Two weeks ago my optician sent me directly to the eye hospital, do not pass GO, do not collect £200. My comments of ‘I’m meant to be in Liverpool later tonight’ fell on unheeding ears. ‘This is a medical emergency, go now.’
I went and she was right – and thank you to her - I had the operation and am in the process of recovering.
What I was mainly noticing today was that I was irritated.
Irritated that I can’t yet see clearly out of that eye, despite it being filled with oil.
Irritated that I can’t exercise.
Irritated that I have to put four different drops in my eye at various times during the day.
Irritated that my first check up is still four days away.
Irritated that it is still a bit tender.
Irritated that I have to sleep left cheek to pillow.
Looks like I am doing well in the irritated stakes.
Fortunately, there are moments when I get over this state and something more useful happens. My friends’ nudge helped me move in this direction.
What has the operation given me?
An opportunity to appreciate sight.
To recognise my privilege as a sighted person and to think more about how difficult it is to recognise that privilege when it is my ‘normal’ state.
A chance to slow down which has helped my hip to relax and soften.
This in turn has led to me making some clear decisions about looking after my joints in future.
To walk places, rather than cycle and to see different things as a consequence.
To think about the question ‘what have I not been looking at?’
As I pause a bit I realise that my irritation is connected to my reactions to the situation. I have been taken away from my ‘normal’ state and I don’t like this and want it back. As I relax, I start to get more centred and my responses start to appear, they are softer, gentler and thankfully, more useful.